It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
