Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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