Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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