I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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