I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Randomize
