I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
