The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
