there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
