is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
