do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Drunk is not a location!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
