What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
