So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
