using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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