i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
