Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
