so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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