i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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