the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
