I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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