I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
