I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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