...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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