Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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