That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
