I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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