Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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