im six kinds of drunk right now
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
