He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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