dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
