She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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