Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
