i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the raccoons are back...
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