Can i not drive my cunt home
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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