I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
