Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I need moral support for this bender
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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