I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
