so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
