Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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