i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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