the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
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I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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