oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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