you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm always down for nudity.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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