If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
