I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
