we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
