"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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