I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
