We won't sleep together?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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