She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
