Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
