Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think i got beer on your cat.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
