i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
