That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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