I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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